


Trust

by h_d



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Poly, Background Relationships, Biphobia, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hopeful Ending, Insecurity, Minor Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2315183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_d/pseuds/h_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen thinks she and Morgana are dating.  Morgana thinks they're just friends and isn't sure she wants anything more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Merlin Femslash Week](http://merlinfemslashweek.tumblr.com/) at Tumblr, prompt four: Queer Identities.

"So, are you dating anyone these days?" Morgana asked. She sipped her soy latte.

Gwen was shocked into silence for a few moments, but she finally found her voice.

"I thought I was," she said, furrowing her brow. She cleared her throat. "I thought I was dating you."

Morgana's mouth fell open and she stared at Gwen with wide eyes. It was unnerving to see Morgana astonished. She was always completely composed.

"That's impossible, Gwen. You're straight," Morgana said.

"I'm definitely not straight, and I didn't know until just now that I was single," Gwen said. "We meet for coffee every Saturday afternoon, every Tuesday evening, early on Thursday mornings, and every bank holiday. When a new restaurant opens, we're always among the first to make reservations. You often take me clothes shopping. You make me try on the most ridiculous outfits—"

The corners of Morgana's mouth quirked up. "Yes, I remember what a Facebook favourite that lurid green pantsuit was."

"You dress me up and you take pictures, Morgana! I understand that friends shop together, but I've scrolled through the photos on your phone. Almost all of them are of me," Gwen said.

"Well," Morgana said. "You're rather photogenic. And we're best mates. It's only natural." She shrugged, but a faint blush was staining her cheeks.

"You have no feelings for me at all?" Gwen said. Her voice was a little too loud for the crowded coffee shop, but she barely noticed.

Morgana met Gwen's eyes again. "That isn't what I said," she replied evenly.

"Right. You do care about me, but you thought I was straight, because of Lance," Gwen said.

Morgana shrugged, then nodded.

Gwen was 29 and had only known Morgana a few years; they worked together at Morgana's father's company, along with Morgana's brother, Arthur. 

Lance had been Gwen's teenage sweetheart. They'd married very young and attended university together; after their first year, Lance had been mugged and shot dead while walking alone late at night. It had been very difficult for Gwen to finish her degree, but she knew it was what Lance would have wanted for her. She still missed him, although some of the pain was finally fading. 

She hadn't even wanted to date anyone until Morgana. 

"I'm not sure where to begin with this, Morgana," she said. "First of all, I'm bisexual, or pansexual, technically. I've always been this way, for as long as I can remember. Lance knew that. We used to go to Pride together every year, just like you and I do." 

"I thought you did that to support me. You used to encourage me to talk to girls there, but you never approached anyone yourself," Morgana said.

Gwen sighed. "It's been ten years since Lance died, and until these past few months with you, when I realised I was feeling something more than friendship, I never even imagined dating again." 

"Oh," said Morgana. She picked up her spoon and stirred her latte. 

The silence between them was thick and uncomfortable, in a way it never had been before. Finally, Morgana spoke.

"I don't date bisexuals. I don't trust them," she said.

Gwen sputtered. "Excuse me? You trust me. Of course you trust me. You have no problem giving me access to sensitive files at work. I'm the only person with an extra key to your apartment. I am your emergency contact, Morgana! I make you dinner sometimes, and it's not as if you feel the need to hire a taster to check for poison. How can you say that? How can you not trust me? You're my best friend!" Gwen was very angry, and she banged the metal table with the flat of her hand. The table made a satisfying rattle, and their drinks sloshed inside their paper cups.

Morgana reached out her hand to cover Gwen's. Gwen wasn't sure if she was attempting to prevent Gwen from making any more of a scene than she already had, or if she really cared about Gwen's feelings. Gwen forced herself not to draw her hand away. 

Morgana's fingers stroked the back of her hand. Morgana had never done anything like that before.

"There are a few things you don't know about me," Morgana said, still touching her gently. "When I was at uni, I thought I was in love with a girl. Her name was Vivian. She said she loved me, and I believed her. I bought her all sorts of gifts. Sometimes I just outright gave her cash. It went on for about six months."

"Okay," Gwen said. She was enjoying the touch of Morgana's hand, but she had no idea what relevance this story could possibly have.

"Then one morning, I dropped in on Arthur, and I couldn't find him. I could hear the shower running when I went into the bedroom. And Vivian was there, naked in his bed, just relaxing, like it was an ordinary day, something she did all the time. I stormed into the bathroom, pulled the shower curtain aside, and yelled at him," Morgana said.

"That must have been awkward, seeing your brother naked," Gwen said.

Morgana smiled ruefully. "Not as awkward as what was going on with Vivian. She'd lied to him, told him we had an open relationship," she said. "It turned out he was spending a lot of money on her, too. We both agreed never to see her again. It wasn't Arthur's fault. She played with both of us."

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Morgana, really I am," Gwen said. "She may have been bisexual too. But it doesn't have anything to do with me, with who I am. I'd certainly never sleep with Arthur, or with anyone I wasn't dating. And I've never asked you for money—or, well, no more than you have me, when we're at some dodgy shop and one of us doesn't have enough cash on hand. But we always pay each other back."

"Oh, Gwen, of course not. It's nothing like that," Morgana said. She pulled her hand away, and Gwen was sorry for the loss.

"What is it, then?" Gwen asked.

It was rare for Morgana to open up to anyone, but sometimes she shared her feelings with Gwen. Gwen hoped that she would, this time.

They sat in another uncomfortable silence, sipping their drinks. Gwen was just about to invent an excuse about having to check on her neighbour's dog when Morgana finally spoke.

Her voice was small, completely unlike her usual confident tone. "I would never be enough for you," she said. "I've seen your pictures of Lance; I've heard the way you talk about him. I'm nothing like him. I shouldn't be in love with someone who—"

Gwen's heart stuttered in her chest at those words. Morgana blushed hotly, but she didn't stop talking.

"I can't be with someone who's going to ask me if we can invite a man to our bed, or if she can date men in addition to me. I do know you, Gwen, and I know you'd never cheat on me behind my back."

Gwen shook her head vehemently.

"But you deserve to be happy, and I don't know if you'd really be happy, just with me. Even Arthur has Freya and Merlin now, and I suppose he and Merlin are bisexual also. I know they're all very happy together. But that's not the life I want for myself," she said, her voice still uncharacteristically quiet. "If I can drink coffee with you sometimes and dress you up and take pictures of you, that's enough for me. I think you're an amazing person, and I'm happy just to spend time with you, even if that's all it will ever be."

Gwen reached across the table for Morgana this time, turning over her hand so that she could clasp it properly, like she'd wanted to do for so long. Surprisingly, Morgana's hand was cold and sweaty, but Gwen didn't let go.

"Morgana, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that either. Not that there's anything wrong with open relationships or polyamory, but neither of those things are for me. A part of me wanted to be with you since we first met, but I only really started considering it recently. You're right; you're nothing like Lance. He was gentle and patient to a fault. We never argued. But you, you have a real fire inside you. You stand up to your brother, to your father, even to me."

She waited for Morgana to look at her, and she was pleased to see the hint of a smile in the tiny crinkles at the corners of her eyes. 

"And you're so good to me. We argue, sure, but you always show up at my desk the next day with a coffee or wildflowers. I know you steal those from people's front gardens, by the way," Gwen said. 

Morgana smirked.

"You challenge me. And you're so beautiful. I can't imagine how anyone could walk away from the privilege of being with you. I can honestly say that you're enough for me. Sometimes, you're more than enough for me," she said.

This time, Morgana laughed. "That was an interesting compliment, I must say," she said.

"It's all true. Now, may I kiss you? I've wanted to for such a long time," Gwen said.

Morgana held her gaze and nodded. Gwen stood up from her seat and moved to Morgana's side of the table. She took Morgana's face between her hands, smoothing back strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail but still managed to look artfully arranged instead of messy. Morgana's eyes were hopeful, but still wary. Gwen could only hope that the wariness would disappear with time.

Gwen pressed her lips to Morgana's. The intensity of Morgana's kiss was surprising; she had definitely been longing for this moment as much as Gwen had. Gwen caressed the side of Morgana's face, encouraging her to part her lips. Gwen's tongue slipped inside and Morgana moaned.

A coffee shop patron nearby cleared his throat pointedly.

Gwen laughed. "Perhaps we could take this to my place. There are so many things I want to do with you," she whispered.

Morgana nodded and stood. She took Gwen's hand and clutched it tightly. 

"We can talk about all of these identity issues another time, Morgana, if you need to. It's fine with me if you still want to talk about it," Gwen said, as they made the short walk to Gwen's flat. She swung their joined hands together. "But if you bring that stuff up today, I have a hideous flannel nightgown which I think would suit you perfectly. It has the most obnoxious floral print, and I'd love to photograph you in it. Unless you want the world to see that, let's focus on other things, hmm?"

Morgana laughed. "That's blackmail, you know. But I agree. I feel like I could kiss you for hours," she said.

Gwen beamed at her.

\--------------------------------

On Monday morning, there was a bouquet of flowers on Gwen's desk. They weren't the usual violets and daisies that Morgana favoured. This arrangement was professional.

There were some long-stemmed roses in a bright pink, shorter purple dahlias, and even shorter-stemmed dark blue hydrangeas. The flowers rested in a clear glass vase with a [bisexual pride](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3e/Bi_flag.svg) sticker attached to it. Looking at them, Gwen knew that Morgana had begun to come to terms with Gwen's identity. Perhaps they wouldn't be together forever; it might be too difficult, between Morgana's insecurities and any grief over Lance that still haunted Gwen. But Gwen felt ready to face the future, no matter what it might bring.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
